i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
