In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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