True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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