we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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