Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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