As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yo dont text me then not text me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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