WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
