Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
