Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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