Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
