we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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