i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
