hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
