i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
