Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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