even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
