Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
