just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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