your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
