Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
