Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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