i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
