remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
