i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
