whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
