Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
