you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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