That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
