I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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