This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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