I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
