I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
