I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
