Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
