I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
