did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
