I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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