I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
