i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
