I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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