Im at strip club and am horny
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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