Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
