Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
