Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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