I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
