man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
