i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
