During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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