She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
