Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
