Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
