these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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