The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
