A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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