good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize