I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
