do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
