let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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