I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
