I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
did i walk over a car last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
