Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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