mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
