I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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