So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
