She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
