so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
