everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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