Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
