Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He better not be in your backpack
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
