he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
