So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
