Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
