we're blogging at a bar
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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