This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
