nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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