Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
