I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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