ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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