You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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