This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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