So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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