Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
