Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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